10 Out of 10 for 20/20 Thriller

In the cold winter of 2005-6, the KCC Committee brainstormed fund-raising ideas. “What about a Twenty20 match?” piped up the new kid on the block – Dale Collison. A wave of apathy washed over the faces of his fund-raising colleagues. “Well, I’ll organise it then”, quipped the half-Australian: “Good man”, “Well volunteered”, “It will never come to fruition”, were the various responses.

Humble Pie was on the menu on Monday 28th August as a fantastic day was played out on The Field of Dreams in front of a huge crowd of friends, families and former players. A few of the older members were misty eyed as the bumper crowd feasted on Jean’s BBQ, drank at Laddy’s Bar (“where your glass is always full”), tapped their toes to the tunes belting out on the PA System, and devoured Barry Baker’s History of KCC from its inception in the mid 1800s to the present day.

With so much going on, the cricket could have become incidental. Certainly former stars Kingy and Scooby (looking like Wayne Hemingway in his designer specs) had to be dragged from the Welfare at 1.40pm after quaffing several pints of Stella.




The orange stumps were already in place as the captains went out for the toss. Chairman Drury limped out like a lame greyhound, whilst Star All-Rounder Ball waddled to the wicket like a young Mike Gatting. Drurs won the toss and chose to field under cloudy skies. As the players took the field, “Dirty Den” Laddy was rushing to his post behind the bar after a morning’s philandering, leaving Lorraine “Angie” Elliott threatening divorce – again!


Rob Beake and Grant Parker opened the batting for Ball’s All Stars, but no-one had told Butch what the format was, as he padded out the first five balls before nicking the strike with a single.

Parker was keen to make an impression, but the Chairman's XII had hatched a plot in the pre-game huddle for the confident antipodean. XXXX Grant took on Drury’s challenge of beating the three men stationed between deep mid-wicket and Cow Corner, and was promptly bowled.

In strode Chesney Geoff Baker, seven years since his last dismissal. Determined to escape the fidgety fingers of Matt 'Darrell Hair' Dring, Lord Geoffrey put in a massive stride first ball, only to cop an Andy Hiller long hop right on the toe. Saville Row winklepickers were later to prove an unfortunate choice of post game footwear. Sadly GB's 130 mile drive from London Village was fruitless, run out third ball by fellow Essex man Beake. Geoffrey was not happy, but the feud was settled over a Stella after Beake retired with a stodgy 30 ball 21not out.

Despite the strains of the day, Collison upped the scoring rate, before perishing LBW-ish to Sticky Palmer’s Doosra. At 40-5, Ball’s Allstars were in trouble: but, suddenly Drury lost control of the fielding side. “Is there a drinks break in 20/20, skipper?” asked Kingy, not thirsty, but badly needing a piss. With umpires Cottee and Dring unsure of the number of men needed in the fielding ring, King saw his opportunity and dashed from the field.

Then as so often reported in these pages, controversy. Umpire Cottee called for a ball inspection, suspecting tampering, after a bright orange smear appeared on the ball. Fingers were pointed in the direction of Dessy's fake tan, but the impasse was soon resolved, as John realised that Laddy's cheap B&Q paint job on the stumps was to blame.

Boss Hogg Leggy then ensured the total improved with some shabby fielding. With his knees “locked”, his long barrier was wider than the Grand Canyon, as the ball rolled over for four. On-looking Notts CCC cricket coaches despaired that Leggy would be the dunce of the class at the Winter Cricket Coaching course.

Drurs sensed the need to up the scoring rate so brought himself on for an over, and Rendu continued his league form, bashing 35 in quick time. But his departure saw Scooby Newby come to the wicket with “Fog on the Tyne” ringing in his Mackem ears. He didn’t last long as Strong casually held a catch in the deep. Then burly Bobby Baker played a classical innings – 6, 4, Out.

Ball was worried, but salvation came from Dave Hiller and Tuckers, who took advantage of the 7 slips and 2 gullys field to up the tempo. Tuckwell smashed three 6s as he made a mockery of his Tavare-style batting seen on Saturdays.

168 would prove a competitive score, albeit heavily massaged, which was something the fielding side could have done with after 90 minutes of chasing leather.

Half time saw the BBQ fire into action, ably marshalled by Cliff, Jean and Jude.

A quick turnaround only allowed the players a quick drink at Laddy’s, before taking the field. Baker wished he hadn’t as he dropped another dolly – this time at slip, grasping at thin air after one too many lagers. Parker bowled down the hill at Kingy – a battle billed as “XXXX vs Stella”, and the Englishman 'reassuringly' won out, despite taking a beamer on the arm that left him seething. One massive six missed “Graham’s roof” and landed nearer Plumtree.

Despite these blows, Kingy was out-scored by Geoff Tindsley, playing his final game before travelling. The Postman continued his lusty blows from Saturday, leaving him drained as he left the field with 50 to his name. Chas and Dave’s “Rabbit” was apt on two fronts for Paul Lay as he entered the fray – he bats like one, and he chats like one. He didn’t last long, as Rendu’s pace saw him retreating to square leg.

Dave Strong had talked his way up the order from 9 to 4, as the introduction of Rendu saw most of Drury’s XII talking their way down from 4 to 9. Strong flailed but failed and it was left to Drury and Dessaur to calm things down.

Laddy’s Bar and Jean’s BBQ were at their busiest, with spectators queuing ten deep, as the Double D’s bored the bowlers with a straight bat policy. Drurs then took a liking to Bally’s leg theory, but happily ensured the bars would empty by missing a Collison yorker.

A couple more wickets turned up the excitement, especially as Drury had saved his batting arsenal of Garland, Graham and Cowlard to unleash hell in the final overs. However, despite General Drury’s belief that “range was good”, the arsenal was smashed as Ball’s team was rallied by some of his more competitive troops. “Do you want to bowl Bruv?” asked Reggie Baker. “No Bruv, I wanna win” replied Ronnie. The Essex boys had made their intentions clear.

Star All-Rounder Ball, fearing the Bruvvers were going to smash the place up, displayed a “right touch” of athletic fielding with a direct run-out. As the orange stumps were tango-ed, Rabbit Lay ate his words having claimed earlier in the over – “there’s always one to Ball”. Boss Hogg Legg, knees loosened with some WD40, creaked to the wicket, and was joined by Sticky Palmer, who proceeded to middle Rendu’s quicker ball for four to Third Man. A class shot from a class act, but he too soon perished, leaving Postman Tindsley to return to the crease for one last hurrah.

10 was needed off the last over, bowled by Event Co-ordinator Collison. Stupidly taking a single off the first ball, Tindsley looked more stranded than Robinson Crusoe, as Leggy faced the fiery Collison. Remarkably, the chubby 2nd team V-C scrambled a single, and Tindsley eased the pressure with a jaw-dropping blow over mid-wicket. A wide was then called by Umpire Dring, fresh from e-mailing the ICC for his $500k pay-out, and a scrambled single left the scores tied - one needed to win off the final ball.

Tindsley smashed one straight to Benji, but had to run. The youngster’s throw went straight to the melee of fielders at the bowler’s end, and with a sleight of hand of which Paul Daniels would have been proud, the bails were off and the ball had disappeared. Umpire Dringy sensed a riot and gave Leggy a dubious finger, and the match was tied, Boss Hogg adopting a better double tea-pot stance than Inzi, could only watch as Bally’s men danced for joy.

The Cottee Trophy was shared by the two captains, spraying Spumanti across the outfield as they toasted a day where cricket was the winner.

Most of the bumper crowd had seen a thriller, although one or two will remember less of the day after enjoying the basement prices in Laddy’s bar. Hat’s off to Steve, who spent £50 – a fair achievement at £1 per can. The BBQ did a roaring trade as Cliff, Jean and Jude (a catering dream team) fed the masses, and Martin The Nugget did his Mum proud by banging out the cricketing tunes on the PA, whilst Ted made up the scores with his pencils.

It was a memorable day for the club, and although many contributed, it is Dale Collison who must take the praise for organising the day. Sadly his wife Rebecca was under the weather and missed the half-Australian’s “day in the sun”, but this only means he will have to do it all again for her to enjoy next year. As he departed, plans were already being put in place for 20/20 2007 and as the beers flowed, rumours of a KCC Cricket Tour next July spread like wild-fire. “It’ll never happen” muttered the doubters amongst the Committee, but with a club as special as KCC, you never know...

The Heroes...
Dale and Rebecca
Cliff, Jean & Jude – The Catering Corps
Barry “Statto” Baker – A History of KCC
The Returning Heroes – Geoff Baker, Kingy, Scooby, Sticky
Ted The Beer-ded Wonder & DJ Nugget – Scoring & Music
Darrell Dring and Shakeel Cottee – umpires
Lorraine “Angie” Elliott – Barmaid
King Stone and Cottee Fibres – generous sponsors

The Villains... Dirty Den

TFC's: everyone